A Front Row to Healing
(This blog post is a repost from one of JustPeace’s favorite blogs, Restorative Justice and Circles, written by Kris Miner. Kris was invited to First United Methodist Church of River Falls, WI to talk about her experiences in restorative justice and working for the Saint Croix Valley Restorative Justice Center. Below is the message she delivered to the congregation.)
First United Methodist Church
River Falls, WI
June 6th, 2010
Good Morning – I have some very good news.
Janet asked me to share some stories and highlight a faith-based response to harm, where in the end the wholeness of person is recognized and, as much as possible restored. My stories will be linking the values of a community of faith to others. Some examples from SCVRJP, I have left out some details, changed some names, and what I share I do have permissions. I was raised in a Methodist Church, and I am so honored to be here today. SCVRJP has a special relationships with this church and congregation. Our first Circle trainings were held in the basement. Our first Victim Empathy Seminar was on a Saturday, here, while the organist practiced. That made it interesting. I also have 3 board members here, and two staff joined me today.
The story. Once upon a time there was a little non-profit, St. Croix Valley Restorative Justice. This non-profit focuses on victims, offenders and community members by using Restorative Justice, its just up the street. I walked from there this morning.
Restorative justice is about a change of behavior by a change of heart. And the things that touch our hearts, the things that hold deep meaning for us, the things that get us all choked up – are the things that change us. Restorative Justice focuses on values like trust, respect, honesty, love, understanding – by interactions with people, by storytelling.
Restorative Justice – – deals with the social and emotional aspects of crime and conflict, by addressing harm. RJ refers to “harm” instead of the crime, and “repairing harm” is the primary focus. We repair harm, by exploring our impacts on others and by using understanding we begin to heal. We tell our stories, and healing leads to forgiveness and reconciliation.
The stories of this non-profit, are from my experiences that I call a front row to healing. These observations and experience where I see people change, grow, love, transform.
RJ is all about relationships – it is connections to our families, our neighbors, our coworkers, our companies, our communities – these relationships and connections are the ties that bind us and prevent us, all of us, from doing things that harm others.
Restorative Justice uses a sense of belonging to help victims heal and the importance of belonging to let offenders know what they did hurt, and that they belong to the community and therefore should not harm it.
As you know not everyone’s connections are so strong they don’t harm. We have hurting people who have hurt others. We have people in our society that do harm.
And this is where my stories begin. The good news is that people are answering the question “what have you done?” the answers are exchange around specific incidents of harm. For example,
Sara spoke to the 3 boys and their parents about how breaking into her home left an impact. Sara talked about not being able to sleep alone without being afraid. She now sleeps on the couch, waiting until her husband is home, before going upstairs to bed. Sara went on to share that she was in the military, slept all over the world, not afraid, and now at 60, she’s afraid. She told the 3 teens that took this from her. Sara provided the boys with clear stories and examples of how they had harmed her. She scolded them for opening the gifts under her Christmas tree. She explained tearfully that her 5 year old granddaughter didn’t do anything to them, and that she didn’t deserve to have her gifts stolen. I looked around at the boys, it seemed they were taking this in. Sara did so much for her community by explaining to the boys how she was impacted. At the end of the Restorative Justice session, she had face to face apologies, and tearful ones from all 3 boys. I witnessed her actually hug the boys that broke into her home. (follow up note, one of the boys saw a community member present – at another SCVRJP program, approached and connected updating he was doing good)
Victims are often angry, being a victim of a crime means you’ve lost control. Someone did something to you, that you did not deserve and you did not cause. Anger is a way we can start to make meaning of what happened, and start to get a grasp of our control back. Sara rose above her anger, you can’t hold anger and forgive at the same time. Sometimes anger can serve us, but if we hold it to long it begins to hurt us. SCVRJP is a place to let go of anger.
Sometimes the after being harmed, people want to harm and hurt as they had been hurt.
Debra experienced this, in her pain and grief over the sudden, preventable traffic crash that killed her daughter, Katie. She would sit at the intersection of crash, with a loaded gun, hoping the driver would pass, so she could take his life, and show his family what the crash had taken from her. The good news, in the restorative justice session, Debra saw the pain surrounding Jason, she connected with his grief, she opened her heart and listened, and he expressed his remorse. Debra, her family and Jason, all celebrate Katie’s life they have a family picnic every summer. They grieve together, and Debra did not have to take Jason’s life to realize he was as harmed and she was.
Nick explains to a talking circle that he’s been in treatment 3 times in the past 18 months. He talks about the addiction of meth and heroin, he shared he is out of jail just short of two weeks. He has a few months sober and he is scared, everyday scared, that he will stay sober. He is talking with community members and others who have caused harm. He explains how selfish he was at the time he went into homes and took computers, TV’s and guns. He knows that people didn’t deserve this, he states that vividly and hangs his head for what he’s done. He expresses to the Circle he knows that staying sober is the only REAL way he can begin to payback his community for what he did.
A community member in the circle realizes that Nick caused an “injustice” Bob explains that he’s never been in a room with people who did drugs or had drug issues. Bob’s been retired 16 years, he’s in his 70’s and he carries a calm, wisdom we can all relate to. He gets us all to chuckle as he mentions 60 years ago in River Falls, it was 2 aspirin and a Pepsi. He tells the Circle, including Nick, that the community has empathy for people with addiction. Breaking into homes and taking what is not yours is not acceptable, but the community still wants to help you not be addicted.
The good news, Bob knows that even though a person does an unjust act, it doesn’t mean that they are ALL bad, or void of any good. It’s a natural response when we are treated unjustly – “HEY – that’s not right!” And we focus on the “IN JUSTICE”, tossing out that a person might not be all bad. But in the story of the little non-profit down the street – this kind of reconciliation is happening.
Jennifer’s son was killed in car crash, he was 21 years old. She last saw him as he left the Ellsworth gym during a wrestling match, he had stopped at the door to wave goodbye. The next afternoon, Jennifer got the news at work, there was a crash, her son died at the scene. The driver and that passenger survived, her son did not. After the crash, Jennifer had talked to the other passenger in the car, she couldn’t talk to the driver, because of the court process. Jennifer had learned that the driver, although drunk, had told his passengers to buckle up. Nearly two years since last court hearing. The three of us were meeting, just down the street. Jennifer, was talking with the driver who crashed that day. Restorative Justice sessions are a place for people to share what they need to share. Jennifer felt the need to share something with the driver. The driver whose actions, to get behind the wheel after drinking, killed her son. Jennifer needed to thank him that day. She let him know that had he not suggested they buckle up – the family would have had to have a closed casket service and funeral. Jennifer needed to reconcile this tragic event, by finding silver lining. She needed to let the offender know what he had done – and he had also done something she could thank him for.
The mission of SCVRJP is to build a culture of peace and belonging. PEACE – is not merely the absence of violence – that’s a great part of it – – but it is also the ability to keep peace in chaos. Crime, conflict and harm, they are chaotic – by responding to the harms, needs, obligations of victims/offenders and community members – SCVRJP teaches and promotes peace. Calm the chaos enough so people can come together and talk about what they did, how they were impacted. It is in this kind of peace, that we as a community leverage our faith. Our faith in hope, love, truth and connections to each other.
This creates the moments when the energy is the room is love. This is reconciliation. This is the story of the little non-profit down the street. These are stories from the front row of healing.
And I invite you, all of you as a community of faith to continue answering the question “what have you done” and to “bind up the brokenhearted”. Thank you.
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[...] I was raised in a Methodist Church, and I am so honored to be here today. SCVRJP has a special relationships with this church and congregation. Our first Circle trainings were held in the basement. Our first Victim Empathy Seminar was … View full post on methodist – Google Blog Search [...]